My Values (1/2)

What we value drives our decisions and actions, consciously or unconsciously. Whether you like it or not!

How does it work? Values are stored and activated in our limbic brain, which drives emotions, which in turn drive our behaviours. When we rush to an appointment because we are late, one or several values are at stake. Maybe we value respecting others' time. Maybe we value being seen as punctual. Or we value being calm and posed. Or something else.

Sometimes we say we value something, but our actions show otherwise. For instance we may say that we value our family but we consistently work late and see them much less than we would like. This is normal: our values get in conflict with one another. In the earlier example you may value financial security even more than you would like to believe. Or maybe it is the social interaction, or solving important problems.

Whatever it is, understanding what we value most, how this drives our thoughts and behaviours, and where the possible conflicts are is very helpful. It puts us in a position of choice. We can prioritise our values and start changing our lives to honour the ones we really want to honour. We can decide what we really want to create for ourselves.

In this section we focus on identifying your current values. We will then use this work in the following section to start choosing the values we want to honour the most.

Activity #1 - Your key life areas

How important are certain areas of your life? And what makes them important? There is no right or wrong answer. This is just to get you thinking about what matters the most to you.

Pick the 1 to 3 most important life areas to you. Use the list or choose another area: Health, money, career, personal development, friends and family, love and romance, physical environment, fun and recreation.

For each one of your pick, answer:

  • What makes this area of your life so important?

Tip: Dig deep. Also write what makes your answer important. (e.g. personal growth is important because I love learning, which matters because it helps me understand the world better, which matters because it helps me feel more connected to it.) Take the time that it deserves - this is by definition important 😉.

Activity #2 - Inspiring people

Be guided by people who inspire you.

People who inspire us say a lot about who we are and who we want to be. They are great cues as to what is important to us, our values.

  • Who inspires you and what makes them inspiring to you? (You may or may not know them personally.)

  • Consider your previous answer(s). What have you learnt about your value(s)?

Activity #3 - My triggers

Learn about your values from your triggers.

We usually get triggered when our values are disrespected. Others' actions and words can make us angry. These strong reactions are great indicators of what we value dearly. As always, stay curious. This exercise is simply about learning about what is important to you.

  • List 1 to 3 situations that make you angry. For each of them, write which value(s) got disrespected. Be like a scientific trying to understand the situation objectively.

  • Consider your previous answer(s). What have you learnt about your values?

Activity #4 - Peak experience

Reconnect with a Peak Experience. 
A Peak Experience is a moment in your life when you felt fully alive. These moments can inform us of what we value dearly. Some questions will follow the recording. They are here to help you gain even more learning from the exercise.

Listen to the following visualisation.

Answer the following questions

  • Where were you? What were you doing? Who were you with? To reconnect to this moment in future, note a detail that attracted your attention.

  • How did you feel as you re-lived this experience? If you can, note where you felt this in the body.

  • What made this a Peak Experience? It could be a combination of place, people, activities and more.

  • There are likely several values that made this a Peak Experience. Which values are they?

Activity #5 - Share your peak experience

Sharing a Peak Experience anchors this experience and its values strongly. It may also help you connect with someone at a deeper level.

  • Share with someone your Peak Experience and what made it so. Ask this person to share a similar experience. Note how you feel when you share and when you listen.