Which mode are you operating from: “I need to” or “I want to”?

Which mode do you usually operate from: "I want to" or "I need to"? 

I vividly remember a discussion I had with a friend who was a coach. I was still in the process of finding my balance after losing my job a few weeks prior. I was anxious to get clarity on my next steps. I was telling him about all the things I needed to do. Each “I need to” was making me more tense. He finally stopped me and asked: “I get it, you need to do all of this. But what do you want?”. 

We operate from the “I need to” energy when we feel the need to stay active, to keep moving towards somewhere - anywhere! - to reassure ourselves. “I need to do all these things to perform.” “I need to learn this and that.”  “I need to lose weight.” In this mode, we lose motivation quickly or we burn out. 

When we shift our mode to the “I want energy”, things become calmer. We’re not always clear about what we actually want. Once we define a true “want”, things become simpler: we want to do things because they help us get to what we want. We’ve got a lot more energy and have the courage to confront our fears. 

To shift to this mode, pause and ask yourself: “What do I want?” If this is too big a question, make it smaller. Start by asking yourself: “What do I want today to look like?”. Make your answer the intention for the day. 

Being in the “I want to” mode may seem selfish and irresponsible. Think twice. When we’re in the “I need to” mode we are closer to survival mode, which makes us more self-centred. We may do this and that for others, but we may struggle to act with love. Also our deep desires usually have something to do with the impact we want to have on the world. Acting in alignment with our values and purpose is maybe the most responsible and generous way to live our life! 

If you want to answer the big question: “What do I truly want?”, have a look at our 6-week Find Direction Course.